While many consider the holidays the most wonderful time of the year, others may feel overwhelmed during this festive season. These celebrations can be an even greater challenge for a child with sensory sensitivities.
The dazzle of decorations, trying unfamiliar foods, hosting guests, visiting unfamiliar homes, the noise of holiday music and gatherings and adjusting to changes in daily routines can be daunting for children who thrive on predictability and familiarity.
“One of the biggest reasons the holiday season is difficult is that it’s a time that’s different than any other time of the year. Our routines are broken and that’s particularly challenging for kids with autism,” said Dr. Paula Pompa-Craven, Chief Clinical Officer, Autism Therapy Services, Easterseals.
So what can a parent do to balance the excitement and memory-making of the holidays with the needs of a child with autism?
“With thoughtful preparation, families can help make the holidays a positive and comfortable experience for everyone,” said Pompa-Craven, “and flexibility is key.”
Manage Your Child’s Expectations … and Your Own
Speak with your child in advance. The clearer the expectations, the better. Detail what will be happening on a specific day and illustrate what the child can expect (and what you expect) with a visual calendar, social story or through role play.
“Tell the child, ‘So on Thursday, we’re going to grandma’s house or people are coming to visit us,’’ explained Pompa-Craven. “Then on the calendar, incorporate photos of the guests, destination, foods that will be served, etcetera.”
Plan Downtime and Keep Things Simple
“We frequently see extended family around the holidays with whom we don’t regularly visit,” Pompa-Craven noted. “Encourage guests to your home to respect your child’s boundaries and routines and let your child know it’s okay to take breaks or step away from the group.
“If you’re visiting someone else’s home,” she continued, “call ahead and ask if there might be a place where your child can have some quiet time if needed. Setting expectations and having a plan for downtime can make hosting more manageable for everyone.”
If your child uses a communication device or picture cards, keep these handy so they can express their feelings or needs.
Don’t Over Schedule
Decide what activities are most important to you and your family and keep things simple. You may need to forgo the trip to see Santa and, instead, take a holiday photo by a decorated Christmas tree
“If you’re spending time at a holiday party with family and friends, it probably isn’t the day to ‘stop by’ another destination on the way to or from the main festivities,” Pompa-Craven counseled.
Practice Holiday Traditions
If time and proximity allow, doing a practice run prior to outings or events may help your child feel prepared for the sensory challenges that often accompany holiday excursions.
“If your child is sensitive to noise and lights,” said Pompa-Craven, “gradual exposure ahead of time helps. If you’re celebrating locally, visit the weekend prior for a shorter practice run, when the decorations are already up. Or have relatives and friends send photos of their decorated home ahead of time.”
However you plan to spend the holidays, you can get creative with preparations. Here are some more practical ideas:
- Practice lighting a menorah at home.
- Play holiday music.
- Expose a child to new people, sights and sounds through FaceTime.
- Explain expectations around gift exchanges.
- Practice responses to receiving or not receiving gifts.
Bring Your Child’s Favorite Food
Traditional holiday food and family favorites we look forward to may not appeal to children with autism, who frequently have a lot of food selectivity.
To ease anxiety around new foods, consider introducing some of the holiday menu items in the days leading up to the holiday. Offering small tastes in a low-pressure environment can help your child become comfortable with new options.
Allowing your child help prepare a dish and giving them choices about what goes on their plate can also increase their willingness to try something new.
Volunteer to bring your child’s favorite dish to the holiday festivities. Remember, it’s okay if they stick to their favorites. The holiday is about enjoying time together, not forcing new experiences.
Consider Increasing the Rewards
When attending a family function with your child, you may want to offer rewards that your child can look forward to during or after the event.
“Agree on what is most important and, depending upon the behavioral goals of the family, if it’s okay to offer more video game time or playtime as the situation warrants,” Pompa-Craven said. “For example, you might want to bring games that your child is good at to play with others.”
If possible, share your child’s needs with your host ahead of time so they can help create a welcoming space for quiet breaks if your child becomes over stimulated.
Progress Not Perfection
While people feel the holiday has to be perfect because it embodies family unity, remember that it is just another day.
“Make the most of your time together but listen to your child’s needs,” Pompa-Craven advised. “You may not be able to visit with family and friends as long as you like, so be emotionally prepared as a family to make adjustments if that’s the case.”
And if things don’t go perfectly? It’s okay. Every outing is an opportunity to learn what works best for your family as you navigate life with autism.
Learn more about Easterseals Southern California’s Autism Services and how we support individuals and families through an autism diagnosis.
